Making new friends...and making new friends lovely.

Shuh-whoa. This is a story that I am very excited about. It all starts yesterday (Sunday) afternoon. Pretty much everything pointed towards it being a wonderful day and, without going into detail as to why exactly it was so wonderful, I will just say that it ended up being an immensely enjoyable day.

A large part of why it was such a lovely day was because I met some new friends in these lovely ladies here:

I feel the need to apologize for the picture I used for two reasons: 1. My pose and the look on my face. And 2. The look on Kathryn’s face (on the right). I’m not apologizing cause it is anything less than lovely, I’m just apologizing to her because I’m guessing SHE doesn’t think it’s lovely. However, it’s the best picture of the four of us from the standpoint that you can actually see all of us. The other two lovely ladies here are Britni (left) and Kip (center).

After a day of fun out of the sun, they finally had to head home at roughly 10pm or so. When they left, Kathryn felt it was necessary for her to leave me her friend Susan. I wish I had taken a picture of Susan sitting on my front porch last night creepily waiting for me to discover her but alas I did not. However, she can be seen joining us here in this picture (she’s the one without the body):

Susan is a mannequin head. Kathryn used her to pass her exams to become a licensed hair-stylist. Thus, Susan has a legitimate head of REAL HUMAN hair on her head. Unfortunately, they state board required Kathryn to give Susan the most unfortunate haircut that does not flatter her in the least. That combined with the fact that Susan has a VERY strong cowlick across the entire front of her head made her kind of look like a wild woman all the time.

Anyways, I brought Susan into my home last night. Once she was back indoors and warm, the color immediately seemed to return to her cheeks. She had such a beautiful face…just that hair was so dastardly (not Kat’s fault).

The whole next day at work, I couldn’t help but think about the poor unfortunate beauty on the shelf at my house with the nasty hair. Finally, at 4:50, I slipped out of work and headed home. She was waiting for me and the moment that I saw her, I knew what she needed me to do for her.

She just needed a good hair-wash/hair-styling. So her and I went in to the bathtub where I turned on the hot water. I waited til it was the perfect amount of warm and cool so that it would be soothing to her scalp which was hidden somewhere under the mess of hair on her head. We began to wash her hair.

Here I learned something. It must take girls soooooo much longer to wash their hair than it takes me. Trying to get all of the soap out of Susan’s hair was just a huuuuuge pain. It felt like no matter how much water I ran through her locks, more soap just kept coming out!! It was absurd. BUT finally after about 8 minutes of trying to wash out her hair, the water was running clear.

Next we conditioned. Her hair was feeling pretty course so I used a lot of conditioner which I then found out takes even LONGER to get out of her hair than the soap did. I didn’t want to wash it all out completely though cause I wanted her hair to stay moisturized.

Finally, after spending longer under the faucet than I ever spend in the shower myself, Susan was ready to dry off.

You see that hair? It was soooooo tangly. I didn’t even know what to do with it at first. I’m not sure I even understood how it happened. I guess the next move though was to brush her hair right? Do I own a brush? HELL NO. Do I own a comb? HELL NO. hmmmmm….do I own a plastic fork? YESS!!!! Thus, we combed her hair with a plastic fork until all of the tangles were out which lead us to the second realization about long, girl hair. Girls get their SHED on. This chica was just lettin the hairs fall left and right and all around. My fork was coming away with a sparrow’s dream come true on it.

SO getting the tangles out took longer than the shower had even taken. Making me realize a potential reason that it takes girls longer to get ready in the morning that it takes me. It’s not even just that they have a lot more work to do with getting ready; they have to go through a serious cleaning process to restore their bathroom to order afterwards!!

Then, it was time to do some work with the blow-drier (don’t ask why I have a blow-drier). When a woman has cowlicks the way that Susan does, the blow-drier is literally the only weapon you have against horrible looking hair.

We used the drier while still utilizing the fork and, in the end, we were able to give Susan something like side-bangs (though I imagine that these would be extremely annoying for Susan if she actually had any ability to see out of her eyes because they definitely enjoyed falling down over her evil eye).

Now that she was looking pretty and feeling a little better about herself, we went into the living room to watch a little TV. After about 5 minutes though, I could tell that something still wasn’t right with her. She just didn’t look happy. So I asked her about it.

It took me a while to get it out of her but finally she admitted that she had an enormous crush on Jared Leto, lead singer of the band 30 Seconds to Mars.

She was sad because when she looked at herself in the mirror, she saw herself as the type of mainstream cutie-girl that Jared would never go for. When I saw the desire in her eyes for this rock star, I knew what I had to do.

We went into the kitchen and I set her down on a small table. I went back to my bathroom and grabbed my hair-cutting tool of choice (meaning I don’t own a pair of scissors).

I had a picture in my head of what I wanted to give to Susan but I haven’t really cut a whole lot of hair in my life other than my own so I was a little nervous.

As I separated chunk after chunk of hair from Susan’s head, I could tell that Susan was questioning her decision to let me do this. The haircut went on though…

And on…

And on…

After I had finished with the snip snip snip, we proceeded back into the bathroom. Time for another hair-washing!! Look how cute she looks with all those bubbles on her head.

Then we had to go through the whole tangles issue again. My roommate apparently owns a comb but wouldn’t tell me where it was because it weirded him out to have his comb used on a mannequin (kind of fair…). Thus, I used a fork yet again.

I didn’t really have the type of product that I wish I had for the look I was trying to give her. However, I have a leave-in conditioner that I use that I decided to use in her hair and it actually worked quite well in conjunction with the fork and the blow-drier. Look how cool and edgy she looks!!!

She’s finally feeling good about herself because she’s a rocker chick now!

As one last note before I close out this VERY long and VERY strange blog post, I just want to say that YES, I felt weird hanging out with a mannequin all night. However, who doesn’t want a chance to try cutting someone’s hair off? Well, THIS GUY wasn’t going to turn that chance down. Hope you’re happy with your friend’s new haircut Kathryn!!

Peace.

I don't feel like you could say I have a one-track mind.

I have just received what might possibly be my new favorite article of clothing. It’s not for sure yet (only time will tell) but it has almost definitely beaten my previous second favorite (see shirt below)

And I really think that, given time, it might even overtake my current #1: my “Poke you!”, orange cape:

Though I will say that this new article will have to come through in a MAJOR way if it’s going to beat the cape. I mean the cape enables me to fly…so that could be pretty hard to beat.

I was thinking that I might wait a little bit and talk around what my new item is before I reveal it to you but that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense in my logic flow. So here’s what I got. It is a “1 of thousands”, "chic as hell", Taco Bueno Scarf!

Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Dang boy. That picture is mooooody.” (I only know that this is what you’re thinking because one of you already told me so. I can’t read minds or anything.)

More importantly though, here is what I am thinking:

A of all, this is such splendid timing because I really needed to get a scarf before the weather starts really getting cold…

B of all, this thing is elegant. I mean when I put this thing on, I feel sophisticated and debonair in a way that I didn’t know was possible sans a cigar, a nice glass of Scotch, and a copy of the Economist under my arm. I have a couple weddings that I am going to this summer and I was really asking myself how I could accessorize. I was even thinking about going for a vintage monocle or something. Then boom, question 100% answered. Scarf it is.

C of all, I received this scarf as a gift from someone who simply put, thought it was hideous. I’m currently auditing a company that franchises a bunch of Taco Bueno restaurants and thus, they receive stuff like this every once in a while. The CFO at the client received this a while back and decided to pass it on to me. She’s a sweetheart like that. And to think that the alternative way that I could have possibly gotten one of these scarves would be to work my way up to Manager at one of the Bueno stores, work my tail off during the holiday season to try to sell gift cards, and then hope that I landed in the top ten stores so that my store would all get scarves! I prefer my way because it doesn’t involve working my way up at a fast food restaurant. I’ve put in my time in the fast food industry and it’s just not for me.

Now here’s the game for you. Out of A, B and C, two of them are sarcastic and one is not. You get to figure out which are the sardonic ones.

Here’s another question for you. What happened between 10 years ago and now that changed people’s perception of Blink 182 from “wow, this is some gay, punk shiz” to “dude, this is THE shiz”? You know what I mean? 10 years ago, when I heard some dude listening to Blink 182 I thought one of two things:

1. I either thought, “Ok, so this guy is a skateboarder and he is willing to put up with this ghastly music because he has to in order to fit into his group. That’s just what skateboarders do. They listen to whiny music.”

2. Or I thought, “ok, this guy can’t actually hear anything but he wants to wear headphones with music playing so that people think he can hear. Unfortunately, someone has played a mean prank on him by turning this particular music on so that people will judge him.”

I almost feel like a bad person for thought number 2…but I mean it was just a thought. I couldn’t help it.

But you know what I mean right? If you were someone who actually enjoyed high-quality music (and I’m using my own personal definition of high-quality here obviously), then this is the way you thought of Blink back in the day right? Or am I wrong?

But then zoom forward to today. Alt Nation is probably the number one indie rock radio station in the world and they will FREQUENTLY play throwback Blink 182 songs. AND I LIKE THEM! I think everybody does. It’s cool to like Blink 182. And I just don’t get what happened between back then and now. 8 years ago I would have rather stabbed myself in the ears than listened to Blink 182 because the result was the same but the process of getting to the bleeding ears seemed better. And yet now, I think they’re pretty awesome.

I don’t know. As I write this, I get the distinct feeling that it’s just me who feels this way and that most people who like Blink now liked them back in the day and if they didn’t like them back in the day, they probably still don’t. Meaning that this whole rant has been based on incorrect assumptions and now I’ve made an ass out of both of us. Dang it, I’ll move on.

Now, I know that you’re wishing to God that I would just shut this post down at this point because it’s already dreadfully long. However, I wouldn’t feel right shutting it down before I write at least 400 words about something I noticed yesterday.

So picture yourself just getting off work at 5 (we’ll pretend like I think it’s normal to get off work at 5). You pack up your things, hop into your car, and zoom away from work. As you drive off, you literally forget everything that you did at work that day because it just feels good to let it go.

Then you feel it. That twinge of longing. That itch of desire. That pang of HUNGER. It’s dinner time and the feeling in your stomach is a screaming reminder of this fact. So you make a bad decision and stop at the closest fast food joint which happens to be a Taco Bueno (go figure). You think about going through the drive through but instead, you decide to just go inside and get it to go. That always seems to be faster anyways.

Right when you walk in the door, you question your decision because the line isn’t exactly petite if you know what I mean. However, you stick with your guns because that’s just what you do. You hop in line behind a nice looking young lady (you’re an average looking young man in this situation). So at least you’re going to be stuck in line behind a girl who you can pretend like you might someday get the courage to talk to. That always makes things more fun.

5 minutes later, you’re second in line. The girl in front of you orders too much food for one person but not enough for you to think she might be ordering for multiple people. Kinda grosses you out. Then she moves on. You step forward to place your order and out of nowhere, this fellow pops up beside you and gives you the “hold on just a second” look. He then proceeds to explain that he just received his order but unfortunately miscounted before and he meant to order an additional 2 tacos. He wants to go ahead and purchase those. For some reason, everyone (including yourself) lets him cut in line and place his additional order.

This is what perplexes me. There’s like some kind of crazy rule that says that if you have previously placed your order and you need ANYTHING additional post-receiving your order, you have right of way in the line and it is totally acceptable for you to cut in front of everyone else who has been waiting.

Doesn’t it seem weird that this is allowed? There can be 1 person or 8 people in line and it doesn’t matter. The guy who forgot to order his two tacos get’s to jump everyone. And I’m not hating on this guy or anything. God knows I’ve been there too. But I’m just questioning the system. I don’t understand why it’s never OK to jump ahead in line ANYWHERE but then all of a sudden, in this situation, it’s ok.

It’s like saying that when you’re at a water park, you should get to cut in front of the rest of the line for the super-slide just because you’ve already ridden it.

Or it’s like saying that just because you bought tickets to the last Cardinals game, you should get to cut in front of all the people who are first-time buyers when you go to the box office to buy tickets for the next game.

You know? It’s just odd that people seem perfectly fine with this instance of cutting when, in any other cutting situation, people would blow their shiz about it.

Odd it is.

Ok, not only are your eyes and minds tired if you’ve made it this far, but my fingers are also tired of typing as well. I will leave you now. Until next time that I feel the need to type nonsense for an hour!

Peace.

Things people say that I don’t really like:

One of all – Picture a situation where you’re talking to your friend (a pretty good-looking guy) about a date that he went on last night. You gave him a bunch of grief yesterday afternoon before the date but it was mostly just because you were jealous. (I like it how the wording that I’ve used so far is such that the person picturing this situation could be either a guy or a girl.)

So that’s last night. He went on the date and you have no idea how it went at this point. He comes waltzing into the office where you both work and he appears to have a pretty big smile on his face (he probably held her hand or something exciting like that). You then proceed to ask him, “so? How was it?’ He then responds with the first thing which people say that I don’t really like. He says simply “It went good.” ….what a disgustingly horrible sentence.

I often find myself getting annoyed with an improper use of the word “good” (as opposed to “well”). However, I realize that it is simply the way that people speak in this part of the country. This simple sentence though is just an offense that I cannot ignore. It drives me nuts.

Think about it. If you would just say “It went WELL”, then you would be using an adverb. To iterate how correct this part of speech is in this situation, I will exchange “well” out for other adverbs and the sentence will still make sense. How about “It went wonderfully”? Or how about “It went swimmingly”? Both of those make sense.

On the other hand, it we think about the “sentence” that was used in this situation (It went GOOD), then we are talking about using an adjective when we should have used an adverb. To clarify how incorrect this is, I will replace it with a couple other adjectives to illustrate how poor the grammar is: How about “It went happy”? Or, “It went fun”?

I feel like I’ve just done two things. The first is that I have been THAT GUY who get’s annoyingly picky about grammar. The second is that I’ve opened myself up in a major way for grammar critiques of this blog post. However, I do not welcome these critiques. I am pointing out what I believe is a GROSS offense to the rules of grammar. However, I am currently writing simple prose and, as such, am not trying to hold myself to the standards of perfect grammar here. So just don’t do it. Fight that urge.

Two of all – Picture another situation. Pretend that you and all of your same-city friends decide to throw an awesome party for Halloween. Everybody dresses up in pretty sick costumes. At some point, the people on the dance floor (middle of the living room cleared out) include the following (names are fictional): John dressed up as a plastic yellow bat, Lizzy dressed up as a penguin, Joe dressed up as a very busty woman, Libby dressed up as a lobster, and Warren dressed up as a bag of jelly beans. While these four are dancing, someone decides to whip out a camera and take a picture of them all. In the snapshot, the busty woman (Joe) is beating the penguin (lizzy) with the yellow bat (john) and the bag of jelly beans (warren) is eating itself. In the background, you can see the lobster (libby) laying on a plate in the middle of the kitchen table.

Honestly, the picture turns out to be pretty hilarious. Obviously, it ends up getting posted on facebook. Immediately, the commenting ensues. The first to the scene is John who basically comments, “Oh my gosh Libby, I thought you said you were never going to do that!” Next comes Rachel who simply says “Oh Christian. LOL” (nobody really knows why) Then comes the one who I hate.

The next person to comment is the annoying one. “Melody” gets on and posts the following statement: “I just literally LOL’ed when I saw this!” **SHUDDER** ugh and bleh! I hate the implications of that statement.

The first reason I hate it is that it basically calls everyone who has previously commented with an “LOL” or a “haha” a liar. It’s like this person is saying that, while everyone else said that they laughed out loud, this person actually did it (literally).

The second reason that I hate it is just simply because the person added an “E-D” to an acronym. I am not even going to explain why I hate that. I feel like it should be clear that this is annoying.

OK, I’m going to go to bed. I feel like I could keep going with talking about more things people say that I hate but I think I just realized that this is a semi-worthless blog post. Thus, I’m going to just drop it here and head to sleep. I have to work tomorrow anyways and it’s late.

Gosh, next time I’m going to write about music. I don’t even care if you read it but I’m ready to over-analyze some songs. Just trying to prepare you.

Peace.