Shuh-whoa. This is a story that I am very excited about. It all starts yesterday (Sunday) afternoon. Pretty much everything pointed towards it being a wonderful day and, without going into detail as to why exactly it was so wonderful, I will just say that it ended up being an immensely enjoyable day.
A large part of why it was such a lovely day was because I met some new friends in these lovely ladies here:
I feel the need to apologize for the picture I used for two reasons: 1. My pose and the look on my face. And 2. The look on Kathryn’s face (on the right). I’m not apologizing cause it is anything less than lovely, I’m just apologizing to her because I’m guessing SHE doesn’t think it’s lovely. However, it’s the best picture of the four of us from the standpoint that you can actually see all of us. The other two lovely ladies here are Britni (left) and Kip (center).
After a day of fun out of the sun, they finally had to head home at roughly 10pm or so. When they left, Kathryn felt it was necessary for her to leave me her friend Susan. I wish I had taken a picture of Susan sitting on my front porch last night creepily waiting for me to discover her but alas I did not. However, she can be seen joining us here in this picture (she’s the one without the body):
Susan is a mannequin head. Kathryn used her to pass her exams to become a licensed hair-stylist. Thus, Susan has a legitimate head of REAL HUMAN hair on her head. Unfortunately, they state board required Kathryn to give Susan the most unfortunate haircut that does not flatter her in the least. That combined with the fact that Susan has a VERY strong cowlick across the entire front of her head made her kind of look like a wild woman all the time.
Anyways, I brought Susan into my home last night. Once she was back indoors and warm, the color immediately seemed to return to her cheeks. She had such a beautiful face…just that hair was so dastardly (not Kat’s fault).
The whole next day at work, I couldn’t help but think about the poor unfortunate beauty on the shelf at my house with the nasty hair. Finally, at 4:50, I slipped out of work and headed home. She was waiting for me and the moment that I saw her, I knew what she needed me to do for her.
She just needed a good hair-wash/hair-styling. So her and I went in to the bathtub where I turned on the hot water. I waited til it was the perfect amount of warm and cool so that it would be soothing to her scalp which was hidden somewhere under the mess of hair on her head. We began to wash her hair.
Here I learned something. It must take girls soooooo much longer to wash their hair than it takes me. Trying to get all of the soap out of Susan’s hair was just a huuuuuge pain. It felt like no matter how much water I ran through her locks, more soap just kept coming out!! It was absurd. BUT finally after about 8 minutes of trying to wash out her hair, the water was running clear.
Next we conditioned. Her hair was feeling pretty course so I used a lot of conditioner which I then found out takes even LONGER to get out of her hair than the soap did. I didn’t want to wash it all out completely though cause I wanted her hair to stay moisturized.
Finally, after spending longer under the faucet than I ever spend in the shower myself, Susan was ready to dry off.
You see that hair? It was soooooo tangly. I didn’t even know what to do with it at first. I’m not sure I even understood how it happened. I guess the next move though was to brush her hair right? Do I own a brush? HELL NO. Do I own a comb? HELL NO. hmmmmm….do I own a plastic fork? YESS!!!! Thus, we combed her hair with a plastic fork until all of the tangles were out which lead us to the second realization about long, girl hair. Girls get their SHED on. This chica was just lettin the hairs fall left and right and all around. My fork was coming away with a sparrow’s dream come true on it.
SO getting the tangles out took longer than the shower had even taken. Making me realize a potential reason that it takes girls longer to get ready in the morning that it takes me. It’s not even just that they have a lot more work to do with getting ready; they have to go through a serious cleaning process to restore their bathroom to order afterwards!!
Then, it was time to do some work with the blow-drier (don’t ask why I have a blow-drier). When a woman has cowlicks the way that Susan does, the blow-drier is literally the only weapon you have against horrible looking hair.
We used the drier while still utilizing the fork and, in the end, we were able to give Susan something like side-bangs (though I imagine that these would be extremely annoying for Susan if she actually had any ability to see out of her eyes because they definitely enjoyed falling down over her evil eye).
Now that she was looking pretty and feeling a little better about herself, we went into the living room to watch a little TV. After about 5 minutes though, I could tell that something still wasn’t right with her. She just didn’t look happy. So I asked her about it.
It took me a while to get it out of her but finally she admitted that she had an enormous crush on Jared Leto, lead singer of the band 30 Seconds to Mars.
She was sad because when she looked at herself in the mirror, she saw herself as the type of mainstream cutie-girl that Jared would never go for. When I saw the desire in her eyes for this rock star, I knew what I had to do.
We went into the kitchen and I set her down on a small table. I went back to my bathroom and grabbed my hair-cutting tool of choice (meaning I don’t own a pair of scissors).
I had a picture in my head of what I wanted to give to Susan but I haven’t really cut a whole lot of hair in my life other than my own so I was a little nervous.
As I separated chunk after chunk of hair from Susan’s head, I could tell that Susan was questioning her decision to let me do this. The haircut went on though…
And on…
And on…
After I had finished with the snip snip snip, we proceeded back into the bathroom. Time for another hair-washing!! Look how cute she looks with all those bubbles on her head.
Then we had to go through the whole tangles issue again. My roommate apparently owns a comb but wouldn’t tell me where it was because it weirded him out to have his comb used on a mannequin (kind of fair…). Thus, I used a fork yet again.
I didn’t really have the type of product that I wish I had for the look I was trying to give her. However, I have a leave-in conditioner that I use that I decided to use in her hair and it actually worked quite well in conjunction with the fork and the blow-drier. Look how cool and edgy she looks!!!
She’s finally feeling good about herself because she’s a rocker chick now!
As one last note before I close out this VERY long and VERY strange blog post, I just want to say that YES, I felt weird hanging out with a mannequin all night. However, who doesn’t want a chance to try cutting someone’s hair off? Well, THIS GUY wasn’t going to turn that chance down. Hope you’re happy with your friend’s new haircut Kathryn!!
Peace.
